Jumbled thoughts on the Internet

I think that like a lot of people throughout the last year, I have spent far too much time online. And that’s coming from me! Honestly, I go through waves of different desires I have being online. Sometimes I’m filled with the desperation to have something to show for myself spending all this time indoors, and so I look up crochet tutorials, sewing ideas, even just inspiration for recycling/reusing household items for decoration. Others, I need an escape, and endless scrolling is easy to fall into. But I also sometimes want that wanderlust and excitement for the future, which can be difficult when the people I turn to are actually out in the world having fun! Even if I’m judging them for not staying home and staying safe, I can’t deny a little jealousy bubbling in my chest.

And then there’s the true black hole of the internet… Online shopping. I mean, how am I supposed to resist a little retail therapy when my tailored ads are showing me exactly what I secretly want all the time? I cannot be held accountable. Well, I will be held accountable by my bank, but that can just stay between me and my account manager. I wish though, that my online shopping had some sort of pattern to it. One minute I’m looking at resin jewellery, then boots, then buying this collagen cream, then it’s back to hand painted ceramics, plants, and those little octopus toys that turn inside out so you can wordlessly tell someone if you’re in a bad mood. Although looking at that list, something is very clear. I don’t need any of it. I don’t buy much that I do need, besides food and essentials. I need something to descale the kettle, but meh, it can wait. I can’t, however, wait three days for my new crafting project to arrive in the mail. It’s a strange feeling.

Sometimes I’ll even just browse online shopping websites, not because I plan on purchasing anything, but because I’ve always enjoying browsing in store just to see what’s on offer or in fashion, and I want to revive that feeling. Picture myself standing in front of a shoe display, just without the anxiety of the store attendant coming over to ask me if I need any help. Whilst I would prefer the in store experience for shoes, I think the world of makeup has opened up to me know that it’s online. No pressure, you know? I don’t have to feel surrounded by people who can apply the products so much better than me, and thinking that they must be judging the way I look. That is just worry though, I would probably get over it if I actually ever forced myself to go into a store. Alas, maybe one day.

I miss markets and craft fairs though. Buying $2 art prints and a mini journal to take home, feeling like I supported a small business. Now, you end up paying twice as much on shipping costs and it doesn’t feel worth it, especially when you’re trying to not splash all of your cash. Or buying oddities from op shops. Little figurines!

If you can’t tell, I didn’t really plan this blog before sitting down to write. I’m just trying to use this space to work out my jumble of thoughts, and be honest about it too. When have I ever tried to make myself look like an expert? This pandemic has shaken me up just as much as the next person. Here at least I can focus my jumbles on one topic, and hope you can relate even just a little!